Chapter 1: Let’s Get Physical!

Submissions for the January 2018 issue are now open! The theme for this issue is “Let’s Get Physical.” In honor of this theme we’re kicking off another round robin writing event. Today’s blog is just the beginning!

Chapter 1: Resolutions

New Year’s Day – 2018

Resolution #1 – Lose 40 pounds overnight!

Resolution #2 – Get my head examined by someone other than Dr. Internet!

Resolution #3 – Stop making unrealistic resolutions like I do every year!

Resolution #4 – Stop making resolutions! Period!

Resolution #5 – Stop abusing the exclamation point because every time you abuse a punctuation mark, it kills a high school English teacher!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Miss! You’re next.”

Startled, I dropped my phone. I was so lost in my own thoughts, I didn’t realize the desk attendant was trying to get my attention. I picked up my phone and scrambled forward.

The woman behind the desk had dark circles under her eyes. She smiled at me, revealing red lipstick on her upper tooth. I handed her all of the paperwork and my credit card. She processed my payment.

“Whenever you’re ready, you can step onto the scale.”

I nodded. This wasn’t the first time I signed up for this weight loss program. I was a repeat offender. I’d lose twenty pounds. Gain back 30 pounds. Decide that the program didn’t work and quit. But this year was going to be different. This year I was going to change my life, starting with the excess weight wrapped around my body.

First, I removed my shoes. Then my watch, earrings, and ring. The line grew behind me and I heard impatient coughs and grumbles. But that didn’t deter me. I was on a mission to weigh as little as possible when I stepped on this scale. I emptied my pockets, taking out my wallet, cell phone, grocery list and two candy bars I probably shouldn’t have brought with me to the Weight Clinic. What can I say? I’m a work in progress.

I stepped on the scale and waited.

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The woman at the desk scribbled my weight down into the official Weight Clinic Tracker and slid it across the desk toward me. I took the book and collected my belongings, dropping a few things here and there as I made my way to a seat in the back of the room.

The room filled up quickly and I felt lucky to have grabbed my seat when I did. The people in attendance ranged in size from toothpicks to people like me – too short for our weight.

Our speaker’s name was Linda. Two large poster pictures of her stood at the front of the room. One was a “before,” picture and the other was “after.” I eyed the pictures with much skepticism, wondering if the women in the photos were actually the same person.

“Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me.”

I looked up and saw my friend Casey, stumbling over feet and rogue handbags, trying to get to me. As she approached me, I picked my purse up off the seat next to me.

Apparently Casey had an exciting New Year’s Eve. Her hair was a mess, her eye makeup was smudged and her breath stunk like stale cigarettes.

“Rough night, dear?” I smirked.

“Don’t start with me, Lizzy,” she said, setting her bag down on the floor. “I’m only here because you begged me to come.”

“Fair enough,” I said.

Casey is somewhere between a toothpick and cover girl. She doesn’t need to lose any weight. But her eating habits are atrocious and these meetings are pretty good at teaching people how to read labels.

Linda walked into the room, standing in the center of the front row. All the voices quickly silenced.

With all eyes on her, Linda began.

“Good morning, everyone,” she said. “For those of you who have been here before, welcome back. To everyone new, welcome! In honor of the new year, we’re starting a whole new plan and this is really gonna knock your socks off. So get ready. The next thirty minutes are going to rock your world!”

“What the hell does that mean?” Casey asked, leaning into me.

“I don’t know.”

To be continued

 

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